I haven’t posted in over a week.  I know I don’t really have “a following” that would miss me while I’m gone, but this is counter productive to building one! 

So, I didn’t get to see Bucket on the 26th, but I did get to see him that Sunday when I dropped my little bro (Wiggles) back off at school.  It was an interesting night.  In a nutshell, we hung out, watched Gummo (fuckin weird ass movie) and we talked while I cried (he’s really very caring when I get so upset…just tries to calm me down and comfort me).  Its such a clusterfuck of a situation and sometimes I get upset.  Its to be expected…which sounds blase, but its just the reality of things; some days are totally fine and some days sucks.

Here, a clip of Gummo:

Bucket then took the train into SF from the South Bay where I picked him up Thursday night.  We didn’t really have a plan as to how long he was going to stay, so he ended up staying until Sunday evening.  It was a really emotionally draining weekend because I was happy he was here, but sometimes the weight of the situation would get the best of me and I’d break down.  Thursday we went to see The Watchmen with my older brother (Mix) at the midnight showing, which was pretty awesome.  Friday consisted of me having a tummy ache which translated to another movie night.  Bucket is OBSESSED with terrible 80s movies.  It took us a half hour to agree on what to watch.  We ended up ordering Righteous Kill and Religulous which are two amazing movies that I would recommend in a heart beat!  Seriously, watch them.  Saturday night, after watching Bucket and my entire family get along famously for my Dad’s birthday, my demons came out. I got upset about a stupid little thing and was mad until I woke up the next day.  I had to work Sunday morning which sucked, but my coworker made me feel better.

Bucket actually showed up at my job 20 minutes before I got off.  I was totally thrown off kilter and didn’t know if I should still be mad or not.  He didn’t actually do anything wrong, but my pride gets in the way A LOT.  So, we talked about the whole thing; I cried again.  He got upset that time because I was making really strange connections between what he was saying and my inner monologue…basically creating my own reality and spinning a shit ton of fiction about the whole situation.  (Thanks for that skill, btw, Mom ::rolls eyes::).  Luckily, by the time we reached SF to drop him at the train we were both calm and in better spirits again.

Srsly, a huge clusterfuck…and the funny thing is: this is the best route to figuring things out that we’ve taken over the last 2 + years.  Weird?  Yus.  But what am I supposed to do?

I know you’re all wondering “Did they fuck?” which, if any of you knew me at all you’d know the answer to that is “…of course”  I can’t be held responsible for my sexual actions when I’m around Bucket.  My body takes over and tells my brain to ’shut it’ if there are any cerebral objections.  More importantly, I came…and so did he. haha.